we have officially lost it.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
