im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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