Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
