make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
