I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
