I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
