It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
