I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
we're making bets on your personal life
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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