im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
