Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
They took my balls.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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