I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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