Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
