So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Randomize
