So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i dont even know how to be here
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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