My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
