i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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