Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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