he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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