I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
