Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
