i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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