i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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