So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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