i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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