i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think my vagina is haunted
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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