isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
