We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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