A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
