ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
