im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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