Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
