So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
