the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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