Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
How's work?
Spinning.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
