I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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