I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
