How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
