is your mom at the bar?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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