Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
