My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
