Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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