I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize