Don't you send me to vm
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
