Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Please don't give away my fajitas
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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