i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
