i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
