I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
