Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
