i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize