four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
