I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
