Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
