he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
