im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
