so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Who wears a wallet chain?!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
