did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my shit smells like andre
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize