And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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