Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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