wat bout pragnant strippers??
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
