Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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