Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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