Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wish life had little blips of pornography
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
