Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
