Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
