dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
