Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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