Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
