we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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