i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
