can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
