i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
