just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
