Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
