What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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