ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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