this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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