I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
