my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
